hahahah!!!....
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If that doesn't work, and they won't budge... you'll need another bank. So don't just say "allright, I'd like to close out my account." That's the pussy way. Look around, squint your eyes, and say "If I don't get my money back, someone in here is getting an ass-whooping." And technically, it's not assault on anyone, since you didn't make eye contact during the threat, or specify a person.
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that is some funny sheeit jeff..... but what if they dont give me my money back...? since i cant squint my eyes and tell them im gonna whoopin some ass...... since its the government.... what else could i do? i mean i have proof money is missing.... to be fair.. i wont say THEY stole it.. maby somebody working there stole it... or just computer errors or somthing....