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Dear Breitling
I must apologize for my lack of inner-strength.
Ever since you made your post regarding carbon fiber, I've been contemplating suicide. I purchased numerous ropes and attempted to hang them from fixtures in my studio apartment, but I do not have a high ceiling. I also attempted to set up the ropes at work, but co-workers complained that I was causing a disturbance and was forced to take down the apparatus.
The past night, I tied the rope on my bed post. Then I realized that this works against the laws of gravity. Somehow I thought that maybe by rolling around in my sleep, I'de accidentally tangle and choke myself - but that did not work either.
Later this morning, I found some prostitutes near Home Depot in Hollywood - the one near Sunset & Western. I asked one of them to asphyxiate me while servicing me, but that didnt work either (although something else worked just fine).
I am sorry to report this morning, that I simply dont have the intellect nor the inner-strength to commit suicide. I am however, happy to report that the prostitutes did say that they had "everything under the sun" and so I probably will die a slow and painful death. Eventually.
Goodbye cruel world.
- ixfxi
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