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Ah yes.
"I wake up at 5am every morning and make coffee (always from Folgers because they're a good American brand), two eggs, two slices of bacon, and half an orange.
I eat while reading The Patriot Post and seeing what memes freedom has brought me today. At 6:25, I switch to OAN for some variety. I typically read OAN for about an hour and a half, but I give myself five minutes wiggle room in case a story is particularly anti-immigration and I need to digest the blog statistics they cite. Then I shower and put on my pants, pull on my boots, and prepare myself for my day at work.
At work, I only work- I never talk to my coworkers. At breaks, I hop on Facebook and share as many memes as I can, even if their location is accidentally left on in Vorotynsk because they're probably just on a business trip. At lunch, I cruise YouTube videos (keywords: freedom, liberty, antifa, blm, communist) and watch Ben Shapiro and Crowder pwn stupid libs. Sometimes I listen to Dirks Bentley or, if I'm feeling especially white, Frank Sinatra. Oh man, that reminds me that Nancy's boots could walk all over me I tell you what. Now I'm thinking about Nancy Reagan and now I'm crying because Ronnie died after a lifetime of patriotism. I'll say three "In God We Trusts" and the tears stop, replaced with radiant nationalism.
After work, I pull off my boots (because if you're gonna have bootstraps, you gotta pull 'em as much as possible) and immediately start replying to commie commenters on my favorite YouTube channels. Oh man if they could see my big arms and my big chest and my throbbing justice... fingers. Just imagine if one of them is antifa and he decides to lol end himself- it'd be weakness leaving humankind. He's probably mentally unstable anyway, who wants to be anti-fascist?
For dinner, I have a Hungry Man frozen meal. The CEO of Hungry Man* isn't one of those pansy-ass CEOs who gives money to libruls, he's a man's man who hunts tigers for sport. I had to stop using 4chan because the ads are too sexual and sex is only for procreation, so I use r/Conservative. At 8:15 every night, I point myself toward Detroit and say 'horsepower is torque times revs divided by 5252. Thank you God for V8s, Red, White, and Blue, and Donald J. Trump.' Then I see what Trump has emailed me today before falling asleep cradling our President's framed picture."
*I don't know who the CEO of Hungry Man is or if they're their own company or whatever. I needed an All-American purveyor of shit for the bit.
I prefer to write my memes out using words.
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