need some advice.. what would you do in my relationship situation?

[sepulchral]

Hey i've been dating the same girl for about two years and she is going to moscow next week.. she'll be gone for a month, then when she gets back theres a 90% chance she'll have to move permenantly to Canada.. reason being she has an adopted sister in Russia and in order for the child to come into the USA, my girlfriend's mom has to live with the kid outside of the US for two years. She cannot support herself so she must live with her mother.. there's nothing i can do it sucks because i have to put myself through school too. I love her and all and she thinks we'd still be together but If the relationship were to end, do you all think it would be better to end it before she moves or just kind of let it dissipate into nothing when shes away? I'd probably only be able to see her about three times a year so, it would be difficult to maintain a long distance relationship seeing as how i'm still young and everything... I've never been away from her for that long so i guess i won't know how much i truly love her until she's gone.. Just was wondering if any of you older zilvian's have a piece of wise non-smartass advice for me.

[HyperTek]

hard decision man.. hopefully you will make the right move and everything works out.

[sw20>>s14]

i say leave it on a good note and end it now...if you drag it on, your frustrations will affect your actions later; which will turn your relationship with her sour...at least this way, youll always have a chance with her in the future. dude, at your age, if she's in another state it would be hard enough; let alone another country...sorry mang, but it sounds like a deadend of heartache...

[Yoshi]

Originally Posted by sw20>>s14

i say leave it on a good note and end it now...if you drag it on, your frustrations will affect your actions later; which will turn your relationship with her sour...at least this way, youll always have a chance with her in the future. dude, at your age, if she's in another state it would be hard enough; let alone another country...sorry mang, but it sounds like a deadend of heartache...

Sepulchral: How old are you?
I mainly ask because, if you're in HS, don't bother. HS relationships almost never work out, and ppl I know that are married are now having marraige issues, because they didn't get to explore who they were once reaching college as a single individual. So many experiences missed out on by getting married so young.

If you're in college, well then that's harder.... but I'd say perhaps you should just try to remain friends. Don't cut off contact, but make no commitments... life is a fickle thing, and opportunities REALLY Are around every corner... if after these 2 years, you're not sure if she's the one, chances are she's not... after all, you don't want the jigsaw puzzle/hammer experience (you can hammer pieces into a jigsaw puzzle, even if it's just 2 pieces, but when you look at the big picture, only then can u see the mistake you made).
look here: http://www.zilvia.net/f/showthread.php?t=80979
(for those that can't see it, it's in the members area... where the good topics are :P hahaha Give West and RJF $10 measly dollars you cheap bastages!)

There's so much of this issue that we, as 3rd party viewers, cannot see.

Bottom Line: take any advice found here with a grain of salt. Only you can decide the best course of action. 2 years is a decent amount of time to be with someone, and there's no way we can get the gist of your relationship from a few paragraphs, especially when they're coming from you.... you sir, are biased. That's just how it goes. 3 sides to every story, and we've only heard a minute fraction of one of them....
...besides... if you ask me, it sounds like you've already made up your mind.

[theicecreamdan]

it seems like he already knows it won't work out, just wants to know whether he should end it, or let it die. I think ending it officially would be the best plan of action.

and as for immature advice goes, this thread is useless without pics. and PIIDB

[sepulchral]

Originally Posted by theicecreamdan

it seems like he already knows it won't work out, just wants to know whether he should end it, or let it die. I think ending it officially would be the best plan of action.

and as for immature advice goes, this thread is useless without pics. and PIIDB

thats exactly what i'm asking


I'm 19 and in college, we've been friends for 9 years and dating for 2... but yeah.. if she moves to canada chances are i'm going to end it on a good note, thanks for your advice.

[sw20>>s14]

if its meant to be, itll happen mang...

[augimatic]

depends on how much you love her. Do you see a future? If so, I'd go the long haul and try to make it work Long Distance. If not, then end it now.

However, LDR's are tough man, and expensive.

I hate to be jerk but I broke it off with my LDR cause I wanted to save up for an SR.......guess I didn't love her.

[sw20>>s14]

Originally Posted by augimatic

I hate to be jerk but I broke it off with my LDR cause I wanted to save up for an SR.......guess I didn't love her.

its not that...we naturally look out for ourselves...maybe you did, just not to that extent...i love my gf with all my heart, but im not going to haul my ass down to san diego every weekend...fuck that hollywood movie romance shit...

[sepulchral]

yeah i know what you mean about the LDR... i used to love my car more than her but now its other way around... she loves my car now and im teaching her stickshift on a rhd sr'd s13 shes doin good

i guess nothings permenant and i may "think" i know what love is but then again i'm 19....

[sw20>>s14]

girls like that are hard to come by...ones that share the same interests as you and just good to kick it with...but if you were friends for 9 years and going out for 2, theres no doubt that she'll be around when both of you are actually ready...thats why its a good idea to keep her around...not to sound like a back up plan, but if your feelings are that strong, itll automatically materialize sooner or later...just stay strong when you guys are apart telling each other the people your meeting (friends/dates)...dont be a guy and: get jealous, accuse her of being a slut, and end up pushing her away!...

[ZK]

Wow, your situation sounds really familiar. My ex and I were together for a year and then she moved to the east coast for school. I'd already graduated college and was working. I asked if she could somehow stay in California but she had a scholarship over there and basically paying for her PhD program. She'd be there in school for 5 years!

We tried the long distance for about 1/2 year. I'd fly up and visit about every 1.5 months and she'd come down now and then. It seemed ok until one day she said she wanted to stop. It didn't occur to me at the time but things were really strained between us. I'd miss her every minute I didn't see her and I think she felt really pressured because of that. We broke up and haven't talked since. Its been almost 2 years. I still think sometimes what could have been if she hadn't moved away or if I'd moved there with her...

[sw20>>s14]

Originally Posted by ZK

Wow, your situation sounds really familiar. My ex and I were together for a year and then she moved to the east coast for school. I'd already graduated college and was working. I asked if she could somehow stay in California but she had a scholarship over there and basically paying for her PhD program. She'd be there in school for 5 years!

We tried the long distance for about 1/2 year. I'd fly up and visit about every 1.5 months and she'd come down now and then. It seemed ok until one day she said she wanted to stop. It didn't occur to me at the time but things were really strained between us. I'd miss her every minute I didn't see her and I think she felt really pressured because of that. We broke up and haven't talked since. Its been almost 2 years. I still think sometimes what could have been if she hadn't moved away or if I'd moved there with her...

your situation sounds exactly like mine right now and i dont like that ^ part!...same shit...pressure and stuff

[sepulchral]

Originally Posted by ZK

Wow, your situation sounds really familiar. My ex and I were together for a year and then she moved to the east coast for school. I'd already graduated college and was working. I asked if she could somehow stay in California but she had a scholarship over there and basically paying for her PhD program. She'd be there in school for 5 years!

We tried the long distance for about 1/2 year. I'd fly up and visit about every 1.5 months and she'd come down now and then. It seemed ok until one day she said she wanted to stop. It didn't occur to me at the time but things were really strained between us. I'd miss her every minute I didn't see her and I think she felt really pressured because of that. We broke up and haven't talked since. Its been almost 2 years. I still think sometimes what could have been if she hadn't moved away or if I'd moved there with her...

ho wlong did it take you to get over it? i really don't want that to happen... as much as it hurts me i think i have to be mature and end it before she goes...

[ZK]

Originally Posted by sepulchral

ho wlong did it take you to get over it? i really don't want that to happen... as much as it hurts me i think i have to be mature and end it before she goes...

It took me most of a year to get over it. I don't know if you've ever been through a break up but it goes in stages. At first it is why? and what could I have done differently to save it? Then you start to get angry and hate that person because you're hurt. Then you're really bitter and hate all girls because they are evil etc. Then you start looking for a "rebound" by meeting other girls. After that you're ok... but sometimes fall back to one of the earlier steps if/when you're reminded of her. But it gets dull over time and you get over it.

This usually only applies if she breaks up with you. If its the other way, you're usually better off and don't have to go through the pain.

People have done Long Distance before over long periods of time but its very hard to do and you two have to be pretty independent, trust each other and be ok not seeing each other for long periods of time...

[sepulchral]

ok she talked with my sister yesterday and she thinks we're still gunna be together... lol... i see my girlfriend like 2 times a week anyways and probably only a couple hours at a time, we are both very buys... i dunno i cant believe she told my sister she'd still be with me if she moved to toronto

[Phlip]

It will soon come to a point where you must shit or get off of the pot...
1. You're 19, are you ABSOLUTELY sure that you love this girl, weigh this from all angles and react accordingly.
2. The world population is 6.5+ billion, statistically it is more likely that she is not the one.
... I suggest that you have a long sit down with her and explain the difficulty of long distance relationships, making clear your feeling that you would like to keep things together, but that you can make no promises as to what MIGHT take place in her absence, making it abundantly clear that you understand that these same rules apply to you.
I would not, in your position, allow myself to feed into her holding onto the magic possibility that the relationship can survive 2 years and residence in 3 different countries between the 2 of you. Get a warm goodby out of this, don't split up angry at one another and think long and comparatively hard before getting involved with the next one.

[MakotoS13]

man, you're thinking too hard. you already know what you're going to do.

tyler durden says let go. i think you should listen.

be the penguin... slide.

[infinitexsound]

booom shak ka laka sha ka la boom.......... just let that shit go on its own, leave on a good note..

[sepulchral]

haha thanks guys.. well ill see if that 10% chance of her staying eeks its way out..

[420sx]

ok heres how to handle this situation.

you are young. she is young. you gonna find another woman. you can have as many as you want before you get married, it is okay.

now, just keep it cool, look for an alternative, then when she comes back and ready to leave to Canada, tell her bye and go spend spanking quality time with the new girl(s).

[Yoshi]

Originally Posted by PHLIP

It will soon come to a point where you must shit or get off of the pot...
1. You're 19, are you ABSOLUTELY sure that you love this girl, weigh this from all angles and react accordingly.
2. The world population is 6.5+ billion, statistically it is more likely that she is not the one.
... I suggest that you have a long sit down with her and explain the difficulty of long distance relationships, making clear your feeling that you would like to keep things together, but that you can make no promises as to what MIGHT take place in her absence, making it abundantly clear that you understand that these same rules apply to you.
I would not, in your position, allow myself to feed into her holding onto the magic possibility that the relationship can survive 2 years and residence in 3 different countries between the 2 of you. Get a warm goodby out of this, don't split up angry at one another and think long and comparatively hard before getting involved with the next one.

Phlip u bastage!
U totally stole my preachy-post from the Members Only area!

[NemeGuero]

Long distance will make you guys hate each other.. you love her.. so based on that, for her sake (and yours) let her go

speaking from experience

[Stock-S13]

"y0, Suckas let me chase and then they bounce! So I reach into mah pockets with the freshhh anount."

BWAHAHAHAHA, CANADA! Dude, let it go......

Invest in pr0n!

This relationship advice from 240 people is stupid, as most neglect their woman for their cars. I need more booze....

[Phlip]

Originally Posted by Yoshi

Phlip u bastage!
U totally stole my preachy-post from the Members Only area!

Actually, I used the part about the world population and then interpolated the very thing I did when I was not much older than him and faced with something similar. The difference is that I thought the approach up myself and didn't have to be coached to it.

[sepulchral]

Originally Posted by Stock-S13

"y0, Suckas let me chase and then they bounce! So I reach into mah pockets with the freshhh anount."

BWAHAHAHAHA, CANADA! Dude, let it go......

Invest in pr0n!

This relationship advice from 240 people is stupid, as most neglect their woman for their cars. I need more booze....

actually their advice is really good... because many guys have been through this and obviously know what road to take....


thanks philip

[S14Speed997]

Speaking from experience..save yourselves alot of heartache and end it before she goes. Like a few people mentioned earlier, you will both grow to hate each other if you stay together.

[420sx]

hate?? nooooo. its gonna be boredom, its gonna kill you..... the suspence.... ahhh.... its .... its incredible!
what, u gonna have sex over the phone? or maybe tell you love each other evet other weekend? doesnt work this way. as soon as u know shes leaving tell her bye bye. dont let the door hit u on the way out

[24Zero]

Make it and opened freindship. You have to much life ahead of yourself.

[NemeGuero]

Originally Posted by 420sx

hate?? nooooo. its gonna be boredom, its gonna kill you..... the suspence.... ahhh.... its .... its incredible!
what, u gonna have sex over the phone? or maybe tell you love each other evet other weekend? doesnt work this way. as soon as u know shes leaving tell her bye bye. dont let the door hit u on the way out

yah, hate. 'cuz being away, temptation really hits you. then jealousy starts creepin' in.. insecurities flare and anger and hate begins. It's a whole other side of each other they haven't even seen yet. If they've been together for 2 years already, their lives are heavily intertwined. They haven't been without each other and they aren't used to it. They won't ever be used to it..

dude, it sucks yah.. but don't let it hold you back from your life. you will sell yourself short if you keep an attachment to her while she is so far away. Same with her. enjoy your life, you're young, there are plenty others out there and you might even find a better match for you.