Friday Humor - Zilvia.net Forums | Nissan 240SX (Silvia) and Z (Fairlady) Car Forum

**West** · 01-18-2002, 01:46 PM

I borrowed my girls's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3
cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock,
alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of
metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers
by surprise... I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly
triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"),
when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle
around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff
upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from
the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over
the competition. Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low
profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod,
for sure. The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back
into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I
tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gottalook cool
to be fast, and I am *####* cool, hence...), the night was split with
the sound of seven screaming cylinders... Then the light turned... I
almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting
me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my
front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down!
I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the
roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering
against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters
of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though,
waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no
tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his
bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust --
probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust ... maybe even cutouts! #### his
hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look
in our boy-racer direction... Yet still I persisted, with my three
pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out.
Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the
crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of
his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in
his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by,
shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping
my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of
stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot
in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found
second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going
at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the
race as we were, neither of us batted an eye. He pulled slowly abreast
of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of
motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed
ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me,
taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a
little to take the next corner. I saw my opportunity, and counting on
the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two
lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him,
feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst
of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension
stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no
matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me
through the corner, and around the Festiva ... The Ford driver beat his
wheel in rage as my girl's car eased past him on the outside, my
P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We
coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving
gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly
flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority
reigns!!! I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer
virility, looking for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or
maybe even a Volkswagon Van!

whateverjames · 01-18-2002, 01:51 PM

haha, i've read that before

soon2Bsilvia · 01-18-2002, 02:08 PM

Battle of the Titans!

twofortysx · 01-18-2002, 02:08 PM

I've read that one too..here's another:

From Chicago.
Weather

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor
who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....?

True story...a female news anchor who, the day after  it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the  weatherman and asked "So Bob,
where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
were laughing so hard!

my240likenoother · 01-18-2002, 02:18 PM

now thats what i call a race!!!!!!!!

S13 Passion · 01-18-2002, 02:23 PM

god #### guys.... you actually sat there and read that thing?  man, i got sick of reading 1/4 way through it with all that sarcasm being involved and all.... im sure it was a good race.  ill come back to finish reading the rest of the story some time. <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>

DragonReborn214 · 01-18-2002, 02:31 PM

"my P165/54R13's screaming in protest"

LOL

*AceInHole* · 01-18-2002, 02:47 PM

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from S13 Passion on 2:23 pm on Jan. 18, 2002
ill come back to finish reading the rest of the story some time. <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>
</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
keeping up with the story in real time??  yeah.... give it a day and the race should be over by then....

maaan.... sounds like stuff I used to do in my beat up '86 Plymouth Voyager with the Mitsu 2.3L engine and 3 speed tranny.

JeffNJ · 01-18-2002, 05:57 PM

Holy shit, Mark.  I am laughing so hard right now that tears are streaming down my face.  Good lord, that was one of the single funniest things I have ever read.  Ever.

... still laughing ....

DragonReborn214 · 01-18-2002, 06:25 PM

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from JeffNJ on 5:57 pm on Jan. 18, 2002
Holy shit, Mark. I am laughing so hard right now that tears are streaming down my face. Good lord, that was one of the single funniest things I have ever read. Ever.

... still laughing ....</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>

really? it wasn't 'that' funny

*transient* · 01-18-2002, 06:54 PM

hehehe, that's awesome

Drifting Ricer · 01-18-2002, 09:10 PM

Man that was funny! I knew mark couldn't come with it. Too well writting.

anthony240 · 01-18-2002, 09:59 PM

sounded like fast and the furious, a 1/4 mile race shown in 2 minutes, with "10 second cars".

Ni5mo180SX · 01-18-2002, 10:14 PM

HAHAHA I cant breathe LOLOL

ar3na · 01-19-2002, 12:35 AM

hahaha.
yum metro.
i was going to buy a 240 but the metro is way harder!!!!
i could put nos and green neons underit and rob trucks.
lol.

duderiffic · 01-19-2002, 01:05 AM

Yea I would have to say that story was quite funny!

Hah

Nismos14 · 01-19-2002, 11:29 PM

that was great..... gimme more <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>

JeffNJ · 01-20-2002, 11:03 AM

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from DragonReborn214 on 8:25 pm on Jan. 18, 2002
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from JeffNJ on 5:57 pm on Jan. 18, 2002
Holy shit, Mark. I am laughing so hard right now that tears are streaming down my face. Good lord, that was one of the single funniest things I have ever read. Ever.

... still laughing ....</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>

really? it wasn't 'that' funny
</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>

Oh, but it was.

mike240 · 01-20-2002, 11:59 AM

OMFG  ROFLMAO!!!!  jeff,  that was pretty funny.  i just wish i could see something like that in person.  especially if i was the bicycler that passed them.

Nismos14 · 01-20-2002, 12:01 PM

LoL to funny still

burgy240 · 01-21-2002, 02:11 PM

Thats awesome.  the best part is that I have experienced the the three cyclindar 1/4 push back into your seat and felt the protest of the p165/54r13's before.  My brother has one and makes fun of people trying to race him all the time. hehe

*Grant* · 01-21-2002, 04:27 PM

didnt the metro lose to a chevy sprint?? lol..

01-18-2002, 01:46 PM	#1
West OMNOMNOMNOM Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Denver, CO Age: 44 Posts: 6,456 Trader Rating: (0) Rides Gallery: West Feedback Score: 0 reviews	I borrowed my girls's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise... I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure. The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gottalook cool to be fast, and I am #### cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders... Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust ... maybe even cutouts! #### his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction... Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel almost chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye. He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner. I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva ... The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my girl's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!!! I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon Van!

01-18-2002, 01:51 PM	#2
whateverjames Nissanaholic! Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: St. Louis Age: 45 Posts: 2,263 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	haha, i've read that before

01-18-2002, 02:08 PM	#3
soon2Bsilvia Zilvia Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 170 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Battle of the Titans!

01-18-2002, 02:08 PM	#4
twofortysx Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 491 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	I've read that one too..here's another: From Chicago. Weather This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....? True story...a female news anchor who, the day after  it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the  weatherman and asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

01-18-2002, 02:18 PM	#5
my240likenoother Zilvia FREAK! Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 1,261 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	now thats what i call a race!!!!!!!!

01-18-2002, 02:23 PM	#6
S13 Passion Zilvia Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 267 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	god #### guys.... you actually sat there and read that thing?  man, i got sick of reading 1/4 way through it with all that sarcasm being involved and all.... im sure it was a good race.  ill come back to finish reading the rest of the story some time. <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>

01-18-2002, 02:31 PM	#7
DragonReborn214 Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: SoCal Age: 45 Posts: 462 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	"my P165/54R13's screaming in protest" LOL

01-18-2002, 02:47 PM	#8
AceInHole Autox Technician Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: New Haven, CT Age: 44 Posts: 3,961 Trader Rating: (0) Rides Gallery: AceInHole Feedback Score: 0 reviews	</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from S13 Passion on 2:23 pm on Jan. 18, 2002 ill come back to finish reading the rest of the story some time. <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'> </td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'> keeping up with the story in real time??  yeah.... give it a day and the race should be over by then.... maaan.... sounds like stuff I used to do in my beat up '86 Plymouth Voyager with the Mitsu 2.3L engine and 3 speed tranny.

01-18-2002, 05:57 PM	#9
JeffNJ Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 550 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Holy shit, Mark.  I am laughing so hard right now that tears are streaming down my face.  Good lord, that was one of the single funniest things I have ever read.  Ever. ... still laughing ....

01-18-2002, 06:25 PM	#10
DragonReborn214 Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: SoCal Age: 45 Posts: 462 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from JeffNJ on 5:57 pm on Jan. 18, 2002 Holy shit, Mark. I am laughing so hard right now that tears are streaming down my face. Good lord, that was one of the single funniest things I have ever read. Ever. ... still laughing ....</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'> really? it wasn't 'that' funny

01-18-2002, 06:54 PM	#11
transient Premium Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Los Angeles, California Age: 41 Posts: 2,947 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	hehehe, that's awesome

01-18-2002, 09:10 PM	#12
Drifting Ricer Zilvia Addict Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Boston MA Posts: 608 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Man that was funny! I knew mark couldn't come with it. Too well writting.

01-18-2002, 09:59 PM	#13
anthony240 Zilvia FREAK! Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Norcal Age: 43 Posts: 1,234 Trader Rating: (4) Feedback Score: 4 reviews	sounded like fast and the furious, a 1/4 mile race shown in 2 minutes, with "10 second cars".

01-18-2002, 10:14 PM	#14
Ni5mo180SX Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Orange County Posts: 423 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	HAHAHA I cant breathe LOLOL

01-19-2002, 12:35 AM	#15
ar3na Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 9 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	hahaha. yum metro. i was going to buy a 240 but the metro is way harder!!!! i could put nos and green neons underit and rob trucks. lol.

01-19-2002, 01:05 AM	#16
duderiffic Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Bay Area (Sunnyvale) Age: 43 Posts: 464 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Yea I would have to say that story was quite funny! Hah

01-19-2002, 11:29 PM	#17
Nismos14 Zilvia FREAK! Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: New Jersey Age: 43 Posts: 1,213 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	that was great..... gimme more <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>

01-20-2002, 11:03 AM	#18
JeffNJ Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 550 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from DragonReborn214 on 8:25 pm on Jan. 18, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from JeffNJ on 5:57 pm on Jan. 18, 2002 Holy shit, Mark. I am laughing so hard right now that tears are streaming down my face. Good lord, that was one of the single funniest things I have ever read. Ever. ... still laughing ....</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'> really? it wasn't 'that' funny </td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'> Oh, but it was.

01-20-2002, 11:59 AM	#19
mike240 Leaky Injector Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 86 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	OMFG  ROFLMAO!!!!  jeff,  that was pretty funny.  i just wish i could see something like that in person.  especially if i was the bicycler that passed them.

01-20-2002, 12:01 PM	#20
Nismos14 Zilvia FREAK! Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: New Jersey Age: 43 Posts: 1,213 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	LoL to funny still

01-21-2002, 02:11 PM	#21
burgy240 Nissanaholic! Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Tampa Age: 49 Posts: 2,151 Trader Rating: (2) Feedback Score: 2 reviews	Thats awesome.  the best part is that I have experienced the the three cyclindar 1/4 push back into your seat and felt the protest of the p165/54r13's before.  My brother has one and makes fun of people trying to race him all the time. hehe

01-21-2002, 04:27 PM	#22
Grant Premium Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: 聖地牙哥 Posts: 2,647 Trader Rating: (0) Rides Gallery: Grant Feedback Score: 0 reviews	didnt the metro lose to a chevy sprint?? lol..