life's punishment

[0kami]

i dont know if this changes anything but here goes... a few weeks ago my engine gave out, i just turned 17, and i have been working for this car ever sence i turned 14. Nobody has helped me get it, including insurance, tag, mods... every little penny put on this car came out of my ass making 120-140 a week.
so...
water pump leaked, radiator fluid flushed out completly, engine over heated, gasket blew, head warped.. WHO the FUCK knows...
now Im left with no money, no car, girl pretty much left me. everyone says i have been acting fucked up lately do to the fact that i put too much thought into my car, I try so hard to forget the past, but its not easy looking at your first and probbaly only car, dead... I missed about 2 weeks of school now, trying to find a solution, i cant find any body that would work on it, exept my friends, and today that didnt work out too well... too unorganized, and if something breaks, i get to be the one who buys the replacement parts.
I want to give up, but this car has been my dream for so long... life feels pointless now, nobody really gives a shit cause to everyone else its " just a car " and maby saying that makes me ignorant and stupid in your point of view, but try to understand.. its just the car i have been working and busting my ass for over 2 years to get.

im so fucked up right now, i just want to dissapear, cause life really has no point, we make everything our downfall.

im sorry for wasting your time, i just needed to express how i feel right now, keeping everything to myself makes too depressing...

last pic i took of it